nine one seven

Well here we are firmly ensconced in 2022 and I'm sure it hasn't been the start to the new year that most of us expected. In my 40s I've actively avoided making resolutions as such but I do think of the start of each new year as a fresh page and always aim to start as I mean to go on.

In a spur of the moment decision, this year I signed up to a 21 Day Abundance Challenge run by the Ladies Finance Club which got underway on 1 Jan and is based on Deepak Chopra's Creating Abundance Meditation Challenge. Each day a short task is sent out via a What's App group as well as a guided meditation from Chopra. Today is Day 6 and I have to say I've started waking up looking forward to seeing what the day's task is (today I have to record myself saying a prepared statement with "soul, expression and sense of attachment").

If it all sounds a bit woo woo, hear me out because I thought so too at first. I signed up because I want to attract "more" into my life - more happiness, more joy, more creativity, more gratitude, better health, more love and, of course, more money. What I've learned already is that completing set tasks in a notebook isn't going to magically quadruple my bank balance but adopting a positive mindset and opting to live life to the full means I'll be more open to taking advantage and enjoying the wave of opportunities that come my way.

As we all know, mindset is a critical component of success in business, sports and life in general. According to Forbes, there is also quantitative research to back this up. Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck examined mindsets among young students. She found that children who have a growth mindset that intelligence can be developed are better able to overcome academic challenges than those who have a fixed mindset that intelligence is predetermined.

"An abundance mindset operates on the foundational belief that there is an infinite amount of something available to you, despite any other circumstances," says Chrissy Papetti, a self-mastery mentor, success coach, and speaker. "With this mindset, you genuinely believe and trust that there are endless opportunities, time, resources, money, and love that are possible to have. Therefore, others' gain doesn't equate to your loss."

The opposite to this is a scarcity mindset which is the belief that life is drawn from a finite pool of resources.

The next question is, how can we make the shift from a scarcity to an abundance mindset?

Rewrite your beliefs

A scarcity mindset typically stems from deeply rooted beliefs about yourself and how life works. So shifting from a scarcity to an abundance mindset begins with becoming aware of your beliefs. "When you notice scarcity-related thoughts in your mind or feel fear and anxiety in your body, make a note in your journal or phone about what you're believing to be true in that moment and if that's empowering or disempowering you," says Papetti. "After you practice this enough, you will begin to sense the difference of your beliefs in the moment and can choose differently."

Surround yourself with people that have an abundance mindset

You know those people who always seem positive and see the glass as half-full instead of half-empty? Find them and start spending time with them. Attitudes rub off.

Incorporate gratitude into your daily life

A scarcity mentality sees limitations instead of opportunities so rather than think about what's limiting you in any situation, focus on qualities you possess and how they can benefit you. According to Oprah Winfrey, “If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough.” It’s very difficult to feel fear or sadness while feeling grateful at the same time.

Train your mind to recognise the possibilities

An abundance mindset allows you to see more in your life: more options, more choices, and more resources. One fascinating Harvard study found that when we focus on one particular thing very intently, other possibilities that are right in front of us can go completely unnoticed. Start training your mind to loosen its focus and create an expanded awareness. Ask yourself if you had all the time and money in the world and you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you be doing? Questions like that will help to open your mind up to what’s possible.

No Comments

As we prepare to wave goodbye to another challenging year there's no doubt many of us will be rushing to usher 2021 out the door. But while it's been another difficult 12 months, it's from tough times that some of the most valuable lessons can be learned. Here are the top three life lessons I've learned in 2021.

Do what's best for you - NO exceptions

This might sound like a given to some people but it's so, so easy to put other people's needs and expectations above your own - especially for a people pleaser like me. But in 2021 I've learned that it’s up to each individual to be in charge of their own emotions - and yes, that includes me. Your health and wellbeing should be your number one priority and I'm not just talking about physical health. After the last two years we've all had, mental health is more important than ever. Sometimes it’s okay to not be at your very best, and you need to take care of yourself.

It's OK to say no to things that don't work for you

In the same vein, don't feel bad about saying no to anything that doesn't serve you, you'll only be making yourself miserable. No doubt a lot of you have seen author Sally Hepworth's brilliant 'no' list. Her list includes taking part in school fundraisers, entertaining at home, and socialising mid-week. She says this helps her to stay clear on her values, and helps to diffuse the guilt about saying no. My husband is good at this one - on our second date he told me quite clearly "I don't do massages". At the time I remember thinking it was a weird statement to make (I still think that actually!) but I do admire his ability to set a boundary, stick to it and be 100% clear about it. I have to admit I don't have a 'no list' of my own just yet but it's something I know, in my mid 40s, I should seriously consider. I recently underwent a major life change selling my business in order to do .... well, I'm not quite sure yet, so I think now is as good a time as any for me to get a start. In fact saying no to the perceived expectations I thought my family and friends had about me and the path my life would take ended up being the catalyst for the sale of my business sale so maybe I've already started.

The slow lane is a perfectly fine place to be

I think I'm pretty typical of other women my age who are the children of second wave feminists - I went straight to uni from school and then immediately into the early stages of my career after that. In fact I was just 17 when I started work at Australia's largest media organisation and 20 when I graduated from uni and was awarded a journalism cadetship. The truth is I have worked non-stop on my career for almost 30 years and while I'm lucky enough to have always worked in roles I feel particularly passionate about that also means that my work became my life and vice versa. But what's become clear to me in the past 12 months is that it's OK to slow down every now and then to get clarity on where it is you're going. "The antidote to the always hustling mindset is slowness," writes entrepreneur Andrew Thomas for Inc. "It sounds crazy, but slowing down can be the difference between success or failure, or between thriving and burning out." In 2022, I've resolved to honour what my mind, body, and spirit need to stay healthy. "When every day provides 24 hours, there's really no excuse not to meditate, exercise, cook a healthy meal, or journal," says Thomas.

I'd love to hear what life lessons 2021 has taught you. Feel free to drop me a line or leave a comment below.

No Comments

It's that time of year when, for those of us lucky not to be working over the break, the days blur into one and no one really knows what time it is. For many, this is one of the few holidays of the year so days are spent cramming in family catch-ups, activities with the kids, and catching up on precious sleep.

For me, these holidays mark the end of another busy year and the first when I truly have absolutely nothing to do. I sold my small business earlier this month and have decided to give myself a couple of months off before I decide what it is I want to do next. This is the first time since childhood that I haven't had study or work on the go and, to be truthful, I'm struggling.

I'm normally an extremely productive person who loves nothing more than ticking off a to-do list but after four years of running a small business to the point of burnout, I know a couple of months of nothing is the best thing I can do for myself. The problem is it kind of feels like without having that to-do list urging me on, I actually don't know what to do with myself.

Turns out I'm not alone - psychologists say productivity can be like an addiction.

“You feel good for being productive: it’s a dopamine release just like with any other addiction,” psychologist Marny Lishman tells Headspace. This dopamine rush increases your heart rate and blood pressure, and stimulates the nervous system; research shows that a release of dopamine also increases motivation to take on more. “While this productivity addiction might be good for a while, it’s not good for you in the long run.”

The truth is our culture equates busyness with both moral virtue and high status. In an article on Shondaland, journalist Tracy Chabala writes; "lazing around and relaxing without talking on the phone, checking emails, or consuming books, podcasts, or articles, signals to the world that we aren’t as valuable as those who have a phone that’s blowing up, as intellectually engaged as those who are constantly consuming information, or as virtuous as those who always have their nose to the grindstone."

So where does that leave me? I know embracing the art of doing nothing is important if I want more creativity, relaxation, and mindfulness in my life and that I shouldn't feel guilty for taking a couple of months to rest after the craziness of the past couple of years. But getting there means a little more work overcoming that compulsion to "get shit done".

The first step, according to Lishman, is to figure out exactly what 'doing nothing' means to me.

“[Doing nothing] can mean just sitting to stare out at nothing, and just being in the moment,” says Lishman. “Or it can mean doing something that’s just for you, something with no outcome to it, that you’re not doing for a specified reason. That could be cooking, gardening, playing with your kids or going for a walk; it’s not productive, so it switches on the relaxation response in your nervous system.”

Sitting with the discomfort of doing nothing and resisting the urge to do more is also something I know I have to get used to. "When you have a busy mind, sitting down and doing nothing is quite hard,” says Lishman. “Meditation can help, and the more you do it, the more you’ll want to do it."

A podcast I listened to earlier this year talked about a full life vs a fulfilling life and how we often think busy or full automatically equals fulfilling which, we all know, couldn't be further from the truth.

These holidays I'm going to start small. I'm going to give myself some grace and know that it's not as simple as just stopping. I'm reading a lot, talking walks on the beach and even enjoying the process of planning family meals (cooking them is another story!).

I'd love to hear if you've overcome a productivity addiction and how slowing down impacted your relationships, creativity and wellbeing. Feel free to drop me a line or leave a comment below.

No Comments

Dance was something we shared from the very start. It was a constant of our life together.

But now, as I contemplate leaving that world behind entirely, I wonder if I’m abandoning her too. I worry I’m not holding up my end of the bargain, that I’m failing to fulfil the legacy so many assumed I would realise.

The weight of expectation is heavy and greets me every time I show up to work at the dance studio – the place that feels both incredibly foreign but strangely like home at the same time. It’s there when I send young dancers on stage with a fleeting “chookas” as they whisk past me through the wings; or as I nervously open the door as they make their way into their ballet exam.

It’s there as I stand in front of the junior ballet class and mindlessly offer generic corrections as if by rote, all the while wondering where my passion for this work – her work - has gone or if it was ever really there in the first place. Did I really mean to end up in this place or was it out of sheer convenience or a loyalty to her and respect to the impact she made in so many young lives?

Grief is layered and it appears mine has led to the loss my true self, my identity and my own path. The absolute devotion she had for the work we do – and once did together – eludes me and no matter how hard I’ve tried to carry on in the hope it will miraculously appear as I make my way out of the haze and into “life after”, I continue to feel numb and as if I’m merely following a road map she left for me.

It’s not my dream but for the past four years, I’ve believed it was my destiny. I believed it was my duty to continue the legacy that, under her watch, had touched so many lives. But as the haze of grief slowly lifts, I’m starting to see that this half-lived existence spent wondering wouldn’t have been her dream for me.

Grief has, in a funny way, become my teacher. Quite ironic considering it’s the role of educator that I’m so scared to let go because of a fear of losing my unique connection to her. But grief has taught me to be brave – to have the courage to deviate from the map. It doesn’t mean I’ll get lost but might just mean I find myself.

This piece was entered in the Hunter Writers Centre Grieve 2021 writing competition.

No Comments

It's been more than two years since I last wrote this blog and boy has my life changed in that time.

I've purchased a new business and managed to grow the client base by more than 30% in just 12 months, settled into married life, said goodbye to our gorgeous puppy Cooper and welcomed a new puppy Archie, turned 40, welcomed my new nephew Teddy into the world and, perhaps most significantly, said farewell to my beautiful and brave Mum who fought a courageous but very quick battle with a little-known condition called AHUS.

To say it's been an emotionally taxing time would be somewhat of an understatement. In my weaker moments, I look at the past 12 months in particular and wonder "why me" but in my stronger times I can see that life happens and sometimes it's bloody hard but sometimes it's also pretty good (just quietly my nephew's smile is the absolute best thing you've ever seen... in your life!). The best we can do is just take one day at a time and try to power through.

I've been lucky to be surrounded by people who have let me grieve Mum in my own way and in my own time. Running a new business meant I had no choice but to get "back to normal" pretty quickly after we lost Mum but, in some ways, I feel like it was a blessing in disguise. Mum was resilience personified and always showed up no matter what was going on in her life - so taking a leaf out of her book seemed like the natural thing to do.

My new business has seen me follow in Mum's graceful footsteps (quite literally seeing as I'm now running a dance school!) and there are times when her presence is palpable.

There have definitely been days in the past 12 months when I've struggled to get out of bed or just collapsed into tears for no reason at all (and I'm sure there will be many more) but there was nothing Mum disliked more than people who didn't give things their all so I feel as though I owe it to her memory to keep going.

One of the other more surprising things that has helped me through, is a community of amazing women I discovered through Facebook in the weeks after Mum's passing called Motherless Daughters Australia. While I don't really consider myself motherless (she will always be my Mum!) the work this organisation does by connecting women who are experiencing this previously-unimaginable grief has certainly seen me through some of the harder times.

One thing I have learned from these other women is that the grief doesn't get easier, you just get better at dealing with it. Almost a full 12 months on, I do feel as though my good days are starting to outnumber the bad. I think about Mum every day but as time passes, those memories of Mum in hospital are fading and I can focus on remembering the strong, resilient woman she was before this terrible disease took its hold.

If you're going through a loss of any kind, remember it takes time but eventually the new normal will begin to replace the way things were. Take good care of yourself by eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising, and taking time to grieve and rest. Be patient with yourself and with your grieving loved ones. Grieving is a personal process, but you don’t have to go through it alone.