Dance was something we shared from the very start. It was a constant of our life together.

I have been so tired for a few months now but to be honest I thought it was just a result of a very full schedule, planning a wedding and dealing with a pretty stressful financial situation that caused more than a few sleepless nights. I mean, life is busy and everyone is tired, right?

I work two early mornings per week but on the other days try to get up between 6.30 and 7am. I write from home during the day working on a variety of projects and then, come around 2pm, start thinking about heading off to the studio for a night of dance teaching. I teach five nights per week and work anywhere from three to five hours meaning I'm home around 8pm most nights. Some Saturdays I'll take a few hours of teaching here and there but I always try to keep Sundays clear.

It's definitely a very full week but nothing that I haven't done before.

Turns out though my iron levels are way below where they should be and could be the reason behind my lack of energy. I don't feel too bad in the morning and try to get as much done early as I can including any household chores and taking the dog for a walk. But once lunchtime comes around I hit that ubiquitous wall - the past few weeks I've even been taking a nap around this time because the thought of teaching a few hours in the evening is just too much.

My lack of iron and ferritin was picked up during a blood test after I complained to my doctor that I wasn't getting over a chest infection as quickly as I had hoped. It was really lingering despite a course of antibiotics and a night or two off work and he suggested, as I work with children, it may in fact have been a strain of whooping cough.

I knew I didn't feel ill enough for it to be whooping cough but went off for the test anyway hoping that it may reveal some answers. Needless to say it did and since Saturday's diagnosis I've spent hours researching my options for upping my iron levels.

Supplements and infusions are definitely the most popular options and seem to have had mixed levels of success amongst my friends and a women's online community I consulted for answers last night. But both also present side effects that sound less than desirable - constipation, irritability, stained teeth and nausea. These are all things I could do without quite frankly but, on the flip side seem a small price to pay for increased energy levels.

But the common thread in everyone's answers is that the underlying cause of the deficiency needs to be addressed before any course of action is decided on.

My ferritin levels were the cause for most alarm with my doctor. My test showed a ferritin level of just 3μg/L with the Australian Red Cross Blood Service reporting "ferritin levels below 30μg/L for an adult is diagnostic of iron deficiency". A normal ferritin level would be anything between 30-290μg/L.

Ferritin is a protein that carries iron around in the blood and can be used to measure the amount of iron in the body. If the ferritin is low, this often means the body is low in iron. In my case, that's exactly what it means. My iron measurement was 4 umol/L with normal levels being between 10-33umol/L. My saturation levels according to test results are 5% with normal levels between 16-50%.

So before I start on any supplements I want to figure out if the problem is with my diet and the amount of iron I'm consuming or if it's my body's inability to properly absorb iron that is causing the low readings.

I've resolved to try some major dietary changes over the next four weeks and see if that makes a difference to my energy levels. I stocked the grocery trolley with leafy green veggies, dried fruits, and red meat today and am also conscious I need to up my Vitamin C intake which will assist the absorption of iron.


With any luck, this will have me feeling more energetic and will negate the need for supplements or infusions. The doc wants another blood test in three months so we'll just go from there I guess.

I'd love to hear from anyone with a similar experience and find out what worked for you.

Recently my partner and I made things official and were married in Fiji. It was a beautiful day shared with 40 of our closest family and friends. His two children were front row as I formally became a part of their lives.

Almost two and a half years after meeting them, my relationship with the kids is still developing. I've read countless research studies indicating it can take up to seven years for a real bond to evolve in blended families and while I have no measuring stick for it, I think we're chugging along OK.

Our wedding day

One thing that has come up repeatedly though is the complexity of the role I actually play in the lives of the children - who live with us 50 per cent of the time. The difficult thing about coming into a family dynamic that already exists is that there are no parameters. My partner and his kids were doing fine before I came along so it's not as though there was a gap for me to fill as such.

So where do I fit? I am not the mother, they are not my children -  they have two active, loving parents involved in their upbringing, whether I agree with their decisions or not. Am I their friend? Their ally? An aunt-type figure? To tell you the truth, I seem to be working it out as I go along and taking each situation as it comes. But one thing I have discovered through all of this is that I have a real problem with the term stepmum.

Apart from it's obvious 'wicked' connotations, it's a word that - in a society where more than a third of families are non-nuclear - is simply outdated. It doesn't accurately describe my role in the children's lives because it insinuates that I am not living up to my job description if I'm not 'mothering' them.

Sure I help with homework, dole out advice when asked and play taxi driver here and there but when it comes to the parenting side of things, it's not something I feel is in my remit. That's what their parents are for.



If I ever have a child of my own I know I would have a huge problem with another woman putting her mother stamp on their lives while I was an active parent. So while I sometimes don't agree with how the children's biological mum does things, I feel I need to fully respect her role as their mother and the rightfully powerful bond she has with them. I would expect the same.

I also have a great respect for the word 'mum'. It's a word that has such strong meaning and associations and, without being their biological mum, how can I call myself something even akin to that. The truth is I will never share that bond with the kids - no matter how hard we all try. It's something that can't be replicated.

As reported by Mary Kelly-Williams on Psychology Today, studies show that children resent parenting attempts by their parent's new spouse, even when one of their parents is deceased. It's not a position I want to put the children or my partnership in. I don't want the kids to feel as though I'm stepping on toes, simply that I am there to offer support in any part of their lives if they need it.

I don't want them to resent me because not only would that put a strain on my relationship with the kids but it would spell disaster for my marriage.

My partner finds this very hard to understand and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to explain how hurtful it is that he thinks me not identifying with the stepmum moniker means I am not wholeheartedly committed to my role in the lives of his children.

Wednesday Martin writes "stepmothering is an undertaking steeped in cultural bias, ignorance, and misconceptions" and I couldn't agree more. Until I was in this situation myself I had no idea what it actually meant to come into a family as the "extra parent". I am constantly second-guessing how I relate to the kids, always worried that I am going to upset the applecart and concerned how my actions will be interpreted both by the kids and my husband.

It's a tough gig and my kudos to any woman who is experiencing finding her place in an existing family dynamic - I know how hard it is. Just know you are doing your best and, like all the research says, it's a long process. The end result is up to you. Don't judge yourself by the experiences of others and, most importantly, look after your marriage first and foremost.

I really identified with this interview with Chloe Shorten who has a new book called Take Heart about creating a stepfamily. I hope you find it as helpful and reassuring as I did.