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nine one seven

Well here we are firmly ensconced in 2022 and I'm sure it hasn't been the start to the new year that most of us expected. In my 40s I've actively avoided making resolutions as such but I do think of the start of each new year as a fresh page and always aim to start as I mean to go on.

In a spur of the moment decision, this year I signed up to a 21 Day Abundance Challenge run by the Ladies Finance Club which got underway on 1 Jan and is based on Deepak Chopra's Creating Abundance Meditation Challenge. Each day a short task is sent out via a What's App group as well as a guided meditation from Chopra. Today is Day 6 and I have to say I've started waking up looking forward to seeing what the day's task is (today I have to record myself saying a prepared statement with "soul, expression and sense of attachment").



If it all sounds a bit woo woo, hear me out because I thought so too at first. I signed up because I want to attract "more" into my life - more happiness, more joy, more creativity, more gratitude, better health, more love and, of course, more money. What I've learned already is that completing set tasks in a notebook isn't going to magically quadruple my bank balance but adopting a positive mindset and opting to live life to the full means I'll be more open to taking advantage and enjoying the wave of opportunities that come my way.

As we all know, mindset is a critical component of success in business, sports and life in general. According to Forbes, there is also quantitative research to back this up. Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck examined mindsets among young students. She found that children who have a growth mindset that intelligence can be developed are better able to overcome academic challenges than those who have a fixed mindset that intelligence is predetermined.

"An abundance mindset operates on the foundational belief that there is an infinite amount of something available to you, despite any other circumstances," says Chrissy Papetti, a self-mastery mentor, success coach, and speaker. "With this mindset, you genuinely believe and trust that there are endless opportunities, time, resources, money, and love that are possible to have. Therefore, others' gain doesn't equate to your loss." 

The opposite to this is a scarcity mindset which is the belief that life is drawn from a finite pool of resources. 



The next question is, how can we make the shift from a scarcity to an abundance mindset? 

Rewrite your beliefs

A scarcity mindset typically stems from deeply rooted beliefs about yourself and how life works. So shifting from a scarcity to an abundance mindset begins with becoming aware of your beliefs. "When you notice scarcity-related thoughts in your mind or feel fear and anxiety in your body, make a note in your journal or phone about what you're believing to be true in that moment and if that's empowering or disempowering you," says Papetti. "After you practice this enough, you will begin to sense the difference of your beliefs in the moment and can choose differently."

Surround yourself with people that have an abundance mindset

You know those people who always seem positive and see the glass as half-full instead of half-empty? Find them and start spending time with them. Attitudes rub off.

Incorporate gratitude into your daily life

A scarcity mentality sees limitations instead of opportunities so rather than think about what's limiting you in any situation, focus on qualities you possess and how they can benefit you. According to Oprah Winfrey, “If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough.” It’s very difficult to feel fear or sadness while feeling grateful at the same time. 

Train your mind to recognise the possibilities

An abundance mindset allows you to see more in your life: more options, more choices, and more resources. One fascinating Harvard study found that when we focus on one particular thing very intently, other possibilities that are right in front of us can go completely unnoticed. Start training your mind to loosen its focus and create an expanded awareness. Ask yourself if you had all the time and money in the world and you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you be doing? Questions like that will help to open your mind up to what’s possible.
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As we prepare to wave goodbye to another challenging year there's no doubt many of us will be rushing to usher 2021 out the door. But while it's been another difficult 12 months, it's from tough times that some of the most valuable lessons can be learned. Here are the top three life lessons I've learned in 2021.


Do what's best for you - NO exceptions

This might sound like a given to some people but it's so, so easy to put other people's needs and expectations above your own - especially for a people pleaser like me. But in 2021 I've learned that it’s up to each individual to be in charge of their own emotions - and yes, that includes me. Your health and wellbeing should be your number one priority and I'm not just talking about physical health. After the last two years we've all had, mental health is more important than ever. Sometimes it’s okay to not be at your very best, and you need to take care of yourself.


It's OK to say no to things that don't work for you

In the same vein, don't feel bad about saying no to anything that doesn't serve you, you'll only be making yourself miserable. No doubt a lot of you have seen author Sally Hepworth's brilliant 'no' list. Her list includes taking part in school fundraisers, entertaining at home, and socialising mid-week. She says this helps her to stay clear on her values, and helps to diffuse the guilt about saying no. My husband is good at this one - on our second date he told me quite clearly "I don't do massages". At the time I remember thinking it was a weird statement to make (I still think that actually!) but I do admire his ability to set a boundary, stick to it and be 100% clear about it. I have to admit I don't have a 'no list' of my own just yet but it's something I know, in my mid 40s, I should seriously consider. I recently underwent a major life change selling my business in order to do .... well, I'm not quite sure yet, so I think now is as good a time as any for me to get a start. In fact saying no to the perceived expectations I thought my family and friends had about me and the path my life would take ended up being the catalyst for the sale of my business sale so maybe I've already started.


The slow lane is a perfectly fine place to be

I think I'm pretty typical of other women my age who are the children of second wave feminists - I went straight to uni from school and then immediately into the early stages of my career after that. In fact I was just 17 when I started work at Australia's largest media organisation and 20 when I graduated from uni and was awarded a journalism cadetship. The truth is I have worked non-stop on my career for almost 30 years and while I'm lucky enough to have always worked in roles I feel particularly passionate about that also means that my work became my life and vice versa. But what's become clear to me in the past 12 months is that it's OK to slow down every now and then to get clarity on where it is you're going. "The antidote to the always hustling mindset is slowness," writes entrepreneur Andrew Thomas for Inc. "It sounds crazy, but slowing down can be the difference between success or failure, or between thriving and burning out." In 2022, I've resolved to honour what my mind, body, and spirit need to stay healthy. "When every day provides 24 hours, there's really no excuse not to meditate, exercise, cook a healthy meal, or journal," says Thomas.

I'd love to hear what life lessons 2021 has taught you. Feel free to drop me a line or leave a comment below.

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It's that time of year when, for those of us lucky not to be working over the break, the days blur into one and no one really knows what time it is. For many, this is one of the few holidays of the year so days are spent cramming in family catch-ups, activities with the kids, and catching up on precious sleep.

For me, these holidays mark the end of another busy year and the first when I truly have absolutely nothing to do. I sold my small business earlier this month and have decided to give myself a couple of months off before I decide what it is I want to do next. This is the first time since childhood that I haven't had study or work on the go and, to be truthful, I'm struggling.


I'm normally an extremely productive person who loves nothing more than ticking off a to-do list but after four years of running a small business to the point of burnout, I know a couple of months of nothing is the best thing I can do for myself. The problem is it kind of feels like without having that to-do list urging me on, I actually don't know what to do with myself.

Turns out I'm not alone - psychologists say productivity can be like an addiction.

“You feel good for being productive: it’s a dopamine release just like with any other addiction,” psychologist Marny Lishman tells Headspace. This dopamine rush increases your heart rate and blood pressure, and stimulates the nervous system; research shows that a release of dopamine also increases motivation to take on more. “While this productivity addiction might be good for a while, it’s not good for you in the long run.”

The truth is our culture equates busyness with both moral virtue and high status. In an article on Shondaland, journalist Tracy Chabala writes; "lazing around and relaxing without talking on the phone, checking emails, or consuming books, podcasts, or articles, signals to the world that we aren’t as valuable as those who have a phone that’s blowing up, as intellectually engaged as those who are constantly consuming information, or as virtuous as those who always have their nose to the grindstone."

So where does that leave me? I know embracing the art of doing nothing is important if I want more creativity, relaxation, and mindfulness in my life and that I shouldn't feel guilty for taking a couple of months to rest after the craziness of the past couple of years. But getting there means a little more work overcoming that compulsion to "get shit done".


The first step, according to Lishman, is to figure out exactly what 'doing nothing' means to me.

“[Doing nothing] can mean just sitting to stare out at nothing, and just being in the moment,” says Lishman. “Or it can mean doing something that’s just for you, something with no outcome to it, that you’re not doing for a specified reason. That could be cooking, gardening, playing with your kids or going for a walk; it’s not productive, so it switches on the relaxation response in your nervous system.”

Sitting with the discomfort of doing nothing and resisting the urge to do more is also something I know I have to get used to. "When you have a busy mind, sitting down and doing nothing is quite hard,” says Lishman. “Meditation can help, and the more you do it, the more you’ll want to do it."

A podcast I listened to earlier this year talked about a full life vs a fulfilling life and how we often think busy or full automatically equals fulfilling which, we all know, couldn't be further from the truth.

These holidays I'm going to start small. I'm going to give myself some grace and know that it's not as simple as just stopping. I'm reading a lot, talking walks on the beach and even enjoying the process of planning family meals (cooking them is another story!).

I'd love to hear if you've overcome a productivity addiction and how slowing down impacted your relationships, creativity and wellbeing. Feel free to drop me a line or leave a comment below.
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Dance was something we shared from the very start. It was a constant of our life together.

But now, as I contemplate leaving that world behind entirely, I wonder if I’m abandoning her too. I worry I’m not holding up my end of the bargain, that I’m failing to fulfil the legacy so many assumed I would realise. 

The weight of expectation is heavy and greets me every time I show up to work at the dance studio – the place that feels both incredibly foreign but strangely like home at the same time. It’s there when I send young dancers on stage with a fleeting “chookas” as they whisk past me through the wings; or as I nervously open the door as they make their way into their ballet exam.

It’s there as I stand in front of the junior ballet class and mindlessly offer generic corrections as if by rote, all the while wondering where my passion for this work – her work - has gone or if it was ever really there in the first place. Did I really mean to end up in this place or was it out of sheer convenience or a loyalty to her and respect to the impact she made in so many young lives?

Grief is layered and it appears mine has led to the loss my true self, my identity and my own path. The absolute devotion she had for the work we do – and once did together – eludes me and no matter how hard I’ve tried to carry on in the hope it will miraculously appear as I make my way out of the haze and into “life after”, I continue to feel numb and as if I’m merely following a road map she left for me.

It’s not my dream but for the past four years, I’ve believed it was my destiny. I believed it was my duty to continue the legacy that, under her watch, had touched so many lives. But as the haze of grief slowly lifts, I’m starting to see that this half-lived existence spent wondering wouldn’t have been her dream for me.

Grief has, in a funny way, become my teacher. Quite ironic considering it’s the role of educator that I’m so scared to let go because of a fear of losing my unique connection to her. But grief has taught me to be brave – to have the courage to deviate from the map. It doesn’t mean I’ll get lost but might just mean I find myself.

This piece was entered in the Hunter Writers Centre Grieve 2021 writing competition.
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It's been more than two years since I last wrote this blog and boy has my life changed in that time.

I've purchased a new business and managed to grow the client base by more than 30% in just 12 months, settled into married life, said goodbye to our gorgeous puppy Cooper and welcomed a new puppy Archie, turned 40, welcomed my new nephew Teddy into the world and, perhaps most significantly,  said farewell to my beautiful and brave Mum who fought a courageous but very quick battle with a little-known condition called AHUS.

To say it's been an emotionally taxing time would be somewhat of an understatement. In my weaker moments, I look at the past 12 months in particular and wonder "why me" but in my stronger times I can see that life happens and sometimes it's bloody hard but sometimes it's also pretty good (just quietly my nephew's smile is the absolute best thing you've ever seen... in your life!). The best we can do is just take one day at a time and try to power through.

I've been lucky to be surrounded by people who have let me grieve Mum in my own way and in my own time. Running a new business meant I had no choice but to get "back to normal" pretty quickly after we lost Mum but, in some ways, I feel like it was a blessing in disguise. Mum was resilience personified and always showed up no matter what was going on in her life - so taking a leaf out of her book seemed like the natural thing to do. 





My new business has seen me follow in Mum's graceful footsteps (quite literally seeing as I'm now running a dance school!) and there are times when her presence is palpable. 

There have definitely been days in the past 12 months when I've struggled to get out of bed or just collapsed into tears for no reason at all (and I'm sure there will be many more) but there was nothing Mum disliked more than people who didn't give things their all so I feel as though I owe it to her memory to keep going.

One of the other more surprising things that has helped me through, is a community of amazing women I discovered through Facebook in the weeks after Mum's passing called Motherless Daughters Australia. While I don't really consider myself motherless (she will always be my Mum!) the work this organisation does by connecting women who are experiencing this previously-unimaginable grief has certainly seen me through some of the harder times.

One thing I have learned from these other women is that the grief doesn't get easier, you just get better at dealing with it. Almost a full 12 months on, I do feel as though my good days are starting to outnumber the bad. I think about Mum every day but as time passes, those memories of Mum in hospital are fading and I can focus on remembering the strong, resilient woman she was before this terrible disease took its hold.

If you're going through a loss of any kind, remember it takes time but eventually the new normal will begin to replace the way things were. Take good care of yourself by eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising, and taking time to grieve and rest. Be patient with yourself and with your grieving loved ones. Grieving is a personal process, but you don’t have to go through it alone.

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I have been so tired for a few months now but to be honest I thought it was just a result of a very full schedule, planning a wedding and dealing with a pretty stressful financial situation that caused more than a few sleepless nights. I mean, life is busy and everyone is tired, right?

I work two early mornings per week but on the other days try to get up between 6.30 and 7am. I write from home during the day working on a variety of projects and then, come around 2pm, start thinking about heading off to the studio for a night of dance teaching. I teach five nights per week and work anywhere from three to five hours meaning I'm home around 8pm most nights. Some Saturdays I'll take a few hours of teaching here and there but I always try to keep Sundays clear.

It's definitely a very full week but nothing that I haven't done before.

Turns out though my iron levels are way below where they should be and could be the reason behind my lack of energy. I don't feel too bad in the morning and try to get as much done early as I can including any household chores and taking the dog for a walk. But once lunchtime comes around I hit that ubiquitous wall - the past few weeks I've even been taking a nap around this time because the thought of teaching a few hours in the evening is just too much.

My lack of iron and ferritin was picked up during a blood test after I complained to my doctor that I wasn't getting over a chest infection as quickly as I had hoped. It was really lingering despite a course of antibiotics and a night or two off work and he suggested, as I work with children, it may in fact have been a strain of whooping cough.

I knew I didn't feel ill enough for it to be whooping cough but went off for the test anyway hoping that it may reveal some answers. Needless to say it did and since Saturday's diagnosis I've spent hours researching my options for upping my iron levels.

Supplements and infusions are definitely the most popular options and seem to have had mixed levels of success amongst my friends and a women's online community I consulted for answers last night. But both also present side effects that sound less than desirable - constipation, irritability, stained teeth and nausea. These are all things I could do without quite frankly but, on the flip side seem a small price to pay for increased energy levels.

But the common thread in everyone's answers is that the underlying cause of the deficiency needs to be addressed before any course of action is decided on.

My ferritin levels were the cause for most alarm with my doctor. My test showed a ferritin level of just 3μg/L with the Australian Red Cross Blood Service reporting "ferritin levels below 30μg/L for an adult is diagnostic of iron deficiency". A normal ferritin level would be anything between 30-290μg/L.

Ferritin is a protein that carries iron around in the blood and can be used to measure the amount of iron in the body. If the ferritin is low, this often means the body is low in iron. In my case, that's exactly what it means. My iron measurement was 4 umol/L with normal levels being between 10-33umol/L. My saturation levels according to test results are 5% with normal levels between 16-50%.

So before I start on any supplements I want to figure out if the problem is with my diet and the amount of iron I'm consuming or if it's my body's inability to properly absorb iron that is causing the low readings.

I've resolved to try some major dietary changes over the next four weeks and see if that makes a difference to my energy levels. I stocked the grocery trolley with leafy green veggies, dried fruits, and red meat today and am also conscious I need to up my Vitamin C intake which will assist the absorption of iron.


With any luck, this will have me feeling more energetic and will negate the need for supplements or infusions. The doc wants another blood test in three months so we'll just go from there I guess.

I'd love to hear from anyone with a similar experience and find out what worked for you.
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Recently my partner and I made things official and were married in Fiji. It was a beautiful day shared with 40 of our closest family and friends. His two children were front row as I formally became a part of their lives.

Almost two and a half years after meeting them, my relationship with the kids is still developing. I've read countless research studies indicating it can take up to seven years for a real bond to evolve in blended families and while I have no measuring stick for it, I think we're chugging along OK.

Our wedding day
One thing that has come up repeatedly though is the complexity of the role I actually play in the lives of the children - who live with us 50 per cent of the time. The difficult thing about coming into a family dynamic that already exists is that there are no parameters. My partner and his kids were doing fine before I came along so it's not as though there was a gap for me to fill as such.

So where do I fit? I am not the mother, they are not my children -  they have two active, loving parents involved in their upbringing, whether I agree with their decisions or not. Am I their friend? Their ally? An aunt-type figure? To tell you the truth, I seem to be working it out as I go along and taking each situation as it comes. But one thing I have discovered through all of this is that I have a real problem with the term stepmum.

Apart from it's obvious 'wicked' connotations, it's a word that - in a society where more than a third of families are non-nuclear - is simply outdated. It doesn't accurately describe my role in the children's lives because it insinuates that I am not living up to my job description if I'm not 'mothering' them.

Sure I help with homework, dole out advice when asked and play taxi driver here and there but when it comes to the parenting side of things, it's not something I feel is in my remit. That's what their parents are for.



If I ever have a child of my own I know I would have a huge problem with another woman putting her mother stamp on their lives while I was an active parent. So while I sometimes don't agree with how the children's biological mum does things, I feel I need to fully respect her role as their mother and the rightfully powerful bond she has with them. I would expect the same.

I also have a great respect for the word 'mum'. It's a word that has such strong meaning and associations and, without being their biological mum, how can I call myself something even akin to that. The truth is I will never share that bond with the kids - no matter how hard we all try. It's something that can't be replicated.

As reported by Mary Kelly-Williams on Psychology Today, studies show that children resent parenting attempts by their parent's new spouse, even when one of their parents is deceased. It's not a position I want to put the children or my partnership in. I don't want the kids to feel as though I'm stepping on toes, simply that I am there to offer support in any part of their lives if they need it.

I don't want them to resent me because not only would that put a strain on my relationship with the kids but it would spell disaster for my marriage.

My partner finds this very hard to understand and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to explain how hurtful it is that he thinks me not identifying with the stepmum moniker means I am not wholeheartedly committed to my role in the lives of his children.

Wednesday Martin writes "stepmothering is an undertaking steeped in cultural bias, ignorance, and misconceptions" and I couldn't agree more. Until I was in this situation myself I had no idea what it actually meant to come into a family as the "extra parent". I am constantly second-guessing how I relate to the kids, always worried that I am going to upset the applecart and concerned how my actions will be interpreted both by the kids and my husband.

It's a tough gig and my kudos to any woman who is experiencing finding her place in an existing family dynamic - I know how hard it is. Just know you are doing your best and, like all the research says, it's a long process. The end result is up to you. Don't judge yourself by the experiences of others and, most importantly, look after your marriage first and foremost.

I really identified with this interview with Chloe Shorten who has a new book called Take Heart about creating a stepfamily. I hope you find it as helpful and reassuring as I did.


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I had a couple of hours on my hands today while waiting to pick up poochie from the vet so I decided to head to my local library to see what they had to offer (OK, I'm lying, I just wanted to use the free WiFi).

But you guys! Are you actually aware of what a fantastic resource the library is?! Free WiFi aside this place is amazing. Books, magazines, eBooks, heaps of desk space and lots of opportunity to eavesdrop on some - quite frankly - hilarious teenage conversations - this place has some serious appeal especially to a freelance writer like me.

In Brisbane there are 33 libraries controlled by Brisbane City Council which means you can borrow (and return) to any one of them. They have a really great online catalogue too which means you can download books as well as borrow physical copies.

If you work from home like me it's also a great way to get out of the house and still get some work done without spending a small fortune on coffees and things you really shouldn't be eating at your local cafe.

When I write I like some level of ambient noise rather than complete silence so the library is perfect. It's relatively quiet but there's still a bit of a hum like an office but minus the annoying desk drop-by's from co-workers when you're on deadline and really can't talk.

Anyway, short of sounding like an ad for Brisbane City libraries you should totally check out your local branch - here's my top five reasons why.


Free books

Need I say more? But just remember there's probably a waiting list for new releases so best to check out the catalogue online and put a hold on anything you really want. If you're happy to just browse, simply walking the aisles is a great way to discover new authors.

Free WiFi

Another no-brainer.

The perfect office substitute

Cafes can be noisy (and expensive) but the library has the perfect quiet buzz. It has a good atmosphere for work and research with a ton of information at your fingertips.

Community hub

Something I truly didn't consider until I walked in to the library today is that it's a great way to feel more in touch with the local community. Silly of me not to think about it really considering I'm still kind of new in town and have been looking for ways to connect with my new home. There are heaps of programs and events going at any one of BCC's 33 branches so be sure to check them out for some budget-friendly entertainment. If you have kids, make sure you take advantage of school holiday activities.

Librarians

Librarians can be great resources for either helping with your research or recommending books that you might be interested in. It feels more personal to have a real person to truly cater to your reading needs versus a smart algorithm.

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I've been back in Sydney these past few days for a little R&R. I've made no secret of the fact that making a new home away from my family and friends has been a bit tough on me.

The love and support of my fiance is getting me through the day-to-day but sometimes, as I've written about, you just need a hug from your mum. I came down to spend a couple of nights with my family and catch up with a few friends and, to be honest, it's been just the pick-me-up I needed. I'm heading back to Brisbane this afternoon excited to be reunited with my fiance and feeling refreshed, renewed, rejuvenated and ready to get on with making our new life together.

But before this afternoon's trek to Sydney Airport, this morning mum and I indulged ourselves with a visit to Gillian Adams Salon and Spa - her to get her hair done and me for a facial and some time in their amazing aquamedic pool and steam room.


It was just what I needed. My facialist recommended a calming facial with healthy dose of facial massage, a hydrating mask and a session under the Omnilux (aka the magic orange light). Using a mix of products from Jan Marini and Babor, the facial was absolute heaven. It's been a while (read: years) since I've indulged in a skin treatment but I definitely won't be leaving it that long next time.

My 20 minute Omnilux session was the icing on the cake. If you haven't heard of Omnilux before, let me... ahem, enlighten you. Using a matrix of LED's, the Omnilux lamp delivers pure, narrow-band light direct to the skin. Put simply, it's non-surgical light therapy designed to stimulate the skins natural collagen production.

There are three different lamps, each one with a different coloured light that treats different conditions. Omnilux Blue is best for oily, acne-prone skin as it works on minimising sebum, bacteria and inflammation. Omnilux Revive has a red light that stimulates collagen and increases the moisture in your skin and Omnilux Plus, uses a thermal light to help rebuild and strengthen deep tissue and increase the skins blood flow. Today I had the Revive treatment to help restore my skin's natural barrier and increase moisture.



If you've never tried Omnilux before, be warned the light is BRIGHT. Unlike the pic above, the lamp sits really close to your skin and even through a heavy eye pillow and individual eye protection, the first few seconds take some adjustment. But stick with it and you'll see the benefits after just one treatment. Of course, like most skin treatments the real benefits come with a series of sessions. I'm going to try to fit in one per month through until my wedding in April.

Aside from the amazing skin results (your skin literally glows after a treatment), I've found another benefit to this little 20 minute gem. The intense light can boost the levels of natural endorphins in the brain so you actually feel happier after a treatment. I know, I know.. who doesn't feel better after a facial but I can really attest to the feel-good factor as an added bonus (especially if you need a recharge).

To find out more about Omnilux, click here.

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It's been a tough week. I've been crying (a lot) and my poor boyfriend is copping the brunt of my swinging mood.

Moving away from home, from family, friends, a job and a work-life balance that I loved (and worked hard to achieve) was always going to be hard. But the opportunity to start a new chapter and the rest of my life with the man I love was always the only option.

So a little more than 10 months ago I packed up my apartment, quit my job and said goodbye to my family and friends to move 1000km away to a new life. I know thousands of people do the same every week, I know my situation isn't unique but that doesn't mean it hasn't been bloody hard. Harder than I could have ever imagined.

My journey so far has been full of ups and downs but this week, for no reason in particular, I've really struggled. It's a strange juxtaposition - I love being with my fiance and couldn't imagine my life now without him in it but I miss my old life especially the comfort, the way I had everything worked out and I felt as though my life was on track. I guess you could say I'm a feeling a little homesick.

Being in a new city where I still haven't managed to establish a close circle of friends, my fiance is unfortunately the one who has been my (literal) shoulder to cry on. I know it's tough for him. He's the reason I moved and I know at times he takes on the burden of how I feel being partly his fault. It's not but I understand why he feels that way.

Josh Klapow, a clinical psychologist and associate professor at the University of Alabama's School of Public Health, says homesickness stems from our instinctive need for love, protection and security - feelings and qualities usually associated with home.

"You're not literally just missing your house. You're missing what's normal, what is routine, the larger sense of social space, because those are the things that help us survive," Klapow told CNN. He offers another way of approaching homesickness: It's merely an emotion that comes in waves.

"Very few emotions stay with you all the time, they come and they go," he says. "But when it strikes, both children and adults often get caught off guard by it. They think something's terribly wrong. But it's normal and adaptive to feel homesick for some period of time. It's just your emotions and mind telling you you're out of your element."

To combat my current state I've decided to go and visit my family for a couple of days. I know it might not be the smartest solution and that maybe I should just "soldier on" but sometimes you just need a hug from your mum.



I know some of you might think it's a bit of a Band-Aid but it's not like I'm rushing off there whenever I feel a bit down. And what's so wrong with a Band-Aid anyway? The only cure for homesickness is time and while I thought I'd be well over it by now it seems I'm not. So I've decided (with my fiance's blessing) to do something that makes me happy. I know I'll come back refreshed and satisfied that I've been able to spend some time with mum, dad and my sister.

I've also resolved to take some more steps to settle myself in my adopted city. On the advice of a friend who has also recently relocated I downloaded an app called MeetUp and am having breakfast with a couple of girls tomorrow who are looking to connect with other 'childless stepmums'.

I'm sure there'll be more bouts of homesickness but hopefully with each round I'll get a little stronger and know that I'm going to come out the other side OK. I'm very lucky to have a fiance whom I love very much and who is willing to support my on this journey no matter how tough it can be at times. Be assured I truly understand how fortunate that makes me.
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About Me

Hi, I'm Chelsea. Thanks for stopping by. Click here to find out more about me.

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      • In 2022 I'm creating an abundance mindset
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