751 days later

by - May 28, 2019


It's been more than two years since I last wrote this blog and boy has my life changed in that time.

I've purchased a new business and managed to grow the client base by more than 30% in just 12 months, settled into married life, said goodbye to our gorgeous puppy Cooper and welcomed a new puppy Archie, turned 40, welcomed my new nephew Teddy into the world and, perhaps most significantly,  said farewell to my beautiful and brave Mum who fought a courageous but very quick battle with a little-known condition called AHUS.

To say it's been an emotionally taxing time would be somewhat of an understatement. In my weaker moments, I look at the past 12 months in particular and wonder "why me" but in my stronger times I can see that life happens and sometimes it's bloody hard but sometimes it's also pretty good (just quietly my nephew's smile is the absolute best thing you've ever seen... in your life!). The best we can do is just take one day at a time and try to power through.

I've been lucky to be surrounded by people who have let me grieve Mum in my own way and in my own time. Running a new business meant I had no choice but to get "back to normal" pretty quickly after we lost Mum but, in some ways, I feel like it was a blessing in disguise. Mum was resilience personified and always showed up no matter what was going on in her life - so taking a leaf out of her book seemed like the natural thing to do. 

My new business has seen me follow in Mum's graceful footsteps (quite literally seeing as I'm now running a dance school!) and there are times when her presence is palpable. 

There have definitely been days in the past 12 months when I've struggled to get out of bed or just collapsed into tears for no reason at all (and I'm sure there will be many more) but there was nothing Mum disliked more than people who didn't give things their all so I feel as though I owe it to her memory to keep going.

One of the other more surprising things that has helped me through, is a community of amazing women I discovered through Facebook in the weeks after Mum's passing called Motherless Daughters Australia. While I don't really consider myself motherless (she will always be my Mum!) the work this organisation does by connecting women who are experiencing this previously-unimaginable grief has certainly seen me through some of the harder times.

One thing I have learned from these other women is that the grief doesn't get easier, you just get better at dealing with it. Almost a full 12 months on, I do feel as though my good days are starting to outnumber the bad. I think about Mum every day but as time passes, those memories of Mum in hospital are fading and I can focus on remembering the strong, resilient woman she was before this terrible disease took its hold.

If you're going through a loss of any kind, remember it takes time but eventually the new normal will begin to replace the way things were. Take good care of yourself by eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising, and taking time to grieve and rest. Be patient with yourself and with your grieving loved ones. Grieving is a personal process, but you don’t have to go through it alone.

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